


all my love

by ksywzi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Attempted Sexual Assault, Childhood Friends, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Kisses, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi is Whipped, Love, M/M, Mentioned SEVENTEEN Ensemble, Minor Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Minor Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Minor Kim Mingyu/Xu Ming Hao | The8, Oblivious Lee Jihoon | Woozi, PLEASE READ NOTES BEFORE READING !!!!, Producer Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Sexual Assault, college student! soonyoung, half of this is proof read and half is not, i tried writing angst, im sorry if i failed you, jihoon has a pellet gun, producer!jihoon, seoksoon bffs, soonyoung is a 97 liner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:29:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29879784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksywzi/pseuds/ksywzi
Summary: soonyoung had always thought jihoon was heterosexual, so what happens when jihoon suddenly kissed him out of nowhere?
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	all my love

**Author's Note:**

> HERE are the things you need to take note of before reading !!
> 
> — tw // sexual assault  
> there's mild sexual assault somewhere in this story so if you're uncomfortable with it please feel free to leave / skip that part !!  
> — soonyoung is a 97 liner here so that makes jihoon a year older than him.  
> — jihoon is a well-known producer along with seungcheol and hansol (this part wasn't explained properly in the story)
> 
> that's all !! thank you and enjoy reading !!

for the past few hours, soonyoung had done a great job ignoring his phone laid on his desk to study for the sudden music history test his professor had abruptly announced before he left. it sent him into panic mode that he nearly screamed right at her face but he was lucky that he was dragged away by minghao before he could do so.

he was doing great, that is, until his phone started letting out several beeping sounds and it was starting to irritate him. 

with a grunt, he gently placed his pen on his desk before reaching out to the device, clicking the new notification which led him to a group chat seokmin had created for the four of them (mingyu, seokmin, minghao and him to be exact). he scrolled back up to back read, only to sigh and lockscreen his phone since there wasn't really any useful information he had gathered.

he settled back to reviewing all the highlighted sentences on his messy-written notes, scrunching his nose when it became hard for him to identify the words written on his notebook, only for him to move on with the words still unknown. he couldn't afford to waste his time trying to understand what he had written when he had still hundreds of pages (okay maybe that was a little exaggerated) to review again.

a knock on his door is what startled him, slightly bouncing on his chair before he got up to answer the knock. when he opened it, his roommate was standing there with a small smile. jeonghan.

"i'm heading off to visit my boyfriend from his studio. if you still hadn't eaten dinner i made you some earlier, just heat it up in the microwave." soonyoung nodded his head at him, smiling in appreciation. "wow hyung.. thank you for the dinner in advance! also have a safe trip to cheol hyung's studio. say hi to him from me."

jeonghan sports a chuckle at him, giving him a supporting pat on his shoulder before a squeezing one of soonyoung's cheeks with his hand. "sure thing. goodluck studying and don't stay up too late.

they exchanged their goodbye's and soonyoung watched as jeonghan disappeared from his vision. he was about to go back inside his room to continue his stu-dying when his stomach growled in disagreement. he pursed his lips, rubbing his tummy before heading out to heat the food jeonghan had cooked him.

surprisingly, jeonghan had cooked him three fried chicken and his mouth watered when he took them out from the microwave. the aroma of the chicken filled the whole kitchen and soonyoung could already feel himself drool at the smell. he quickly set them down on the table, scooping up some rice to his plate before quickly digging in when his stomach growled louder.

silence was what surrounded soonyoung, with his obnoxious chewing and his metal spoon and fork clanking against his ceramic plate. he was just enjoying the quietness of his apartment when his phone started to ring on the table beside his plate. only to freeze, choke on his rice when he realize the ringtone coming from his phone. it was the ringtone he had set for him when he calls.

for lee jihoon.

soonyoung chocked again, this time, standing up to gulp down a glass of water before quickly picking up his phone to answer the call. but before the pad of his thumb could swipe it to the green button, the call had ended. followed by a text.

jihoon 20:49 

sorry pressed the call button by accident.

delivered

soonyoung sits back down, his thumbs hesitating above the keyboard of his phone before he slowly texts him a reply.

soonyoung 20:52

its okay hyung no worries

read

soonyoung purses his lips, tries not to deflate and shrink on his seat by being left on read by jihoon. again.

he fails though.

_____________

it's seokmin's birthday.

more specifically, seokmin's twenty-first's birthday during one wednesday night, and since soonyoung was seokmin's lovely childhood best friend (and they are still best friends until now), he was required to attend. no excuses. (seriously speaking, soonyoung should really attend his birthday because if not, well, soonyoung will have to suffer more than a week of silent treatment.) but it's not like soonyoung can't not attend his party, seokmin had bugged him the whole week to attend his party.

and also because of that, that means he's got himself another chance to catch up with the oh-so famous cute music producer, the love of soonyoung's life, and lee seokmin's (hot) older brother.

lee jihoon. cute guy with raven hair, shoulders broad and his chest wide, biceps hard and thighs thick.

yeah, that's him alright.

the last time soonyoung had talked to him and saw him was three months ago, after his birthday. after that, they exchanged a few texts during december, only for their conversations to die down when jihoon was starting to reply late, or either texting soonyoung he's busy or when he started leaving soonyoung on read. the younger started to stop texting him when he came to conclusion that he might be bothering and disturbing him, and he didn't wanted to be a hindrance to his work.

so, to say that soonyoung was surprised was an understatement. (but honestly what did he expected, it's seokmin's birthday so OF COURSE his hot brother is going to attend.)

ever since soonyoung had seen him, he felt like his whole body was washed with water as cold as ice. the feelings for jihoon that he thought had dispersed into thin air had resurfaced like a harsh slap of cold water to his face, making him want to turn back around and scream his lungs out and vow to never meet him again. albeit the other half of him wanted him to stay and talk to him because soonyoung would openly admit that he, indeed had missed him.

so that's how soonyoung was sitting right across jihoon, who's staring at his phone while his thumb ran up and down the screen as he scrolled down on whatever app he was using, a bored look on his face. that's how he was since seokmin had left their table to greet other guests that had arrived. soonyoung was just giving him subtle glances, focusing on the way how his eyebrows would narrow when he read something offensive, or how his eyes would light up like he saw a cute cat video (which, jihoon did, by the way).

none of them mention their convos, and soonyoung guess jihoon was embarrassed when seokmin had brought it up earlier. judging by how his ears turned red and him avoiding soonyoung's gaze when soonyoung looked at him curiously. jihoon had muttered a soft sorry about that earlier that seems like only soonyoung had heard.

soonyoung's friends — minghao and mingyu — were both nowhere to be found. they probably went to the long ass table filled with foods near the big birthday cake jihoon had bought for seokmin (that got seokmin almost bawling his eyes out when he saw how big it was) which was (hopefully) enough for the sea of people seokmin had invited. soonyoung quietly sighed in boredom as he slumped on his seat, his eyes scanning around the crowded restaurant that seokmin had rented for his birthday. it was too crowded for soonyoung to consider that it was a party that was supposed to be only for close friends and family (but apparently not because it looked like seokmin invited the whole university).

hearing a sigh in front of him, soonyoung averted his gaze from the boring light brown-ish wall behind jihoon, to jihoon himself. he caught his hyung already staring at him, his phone facing down after getting fed up with boredom from the small machine.

"how's life, youngie? got any cute boyfriend yet?" jihoon suddenly asked, a playful hint evident on his tone. soonyoung let out something between a chuckle and a giggle, scrunching his nose up at jihoon while shaking his cup in circle motion, watching in fascination at how the drink inside moves along in circle movements.

"you talk like you're fifty. and oh, i wish i have one." soonyoung says dramatically, deciding to drink whatever was in the cup that mingyu had poured when soonyoung asked him for something to drink. he gives it an approval nod, liking how the sweet orange lingers on the tip of his tongue even after he had already emptied he cup.

jihoon laughed, his shoulders shaking as he leaned back on his chair. soonyoung just stared at him, eyes bright and wide at the familiar sound of joy.

"i was just joking. but serious talk. how's everything going for you? i hope everything's fine." jihoon smiled at him with his trademark eye smile that got soonyoung melting to a puddle. soonyoung just loved seeing that on him, and he loved it even more when that smile was directed at him.

"everything's fine, just university stuff that got me cramming all week. glad that i came here though, thought i should relax for awhile after all the stress ive been to." jihoon nods in agreement, even going as far to giving soonyoung a pat on the head.

"you've done well, youngie. you deserve a rest. i'm also glad i attended minnie's party. he persuaded me to coming even though i have a deadline on friday. but even if i did chose to finish the song today, i still would've attended minnie's party anyway. you know how sulky he can get when i don't attend his special occasions." they both giggled at that, because it was true. seokmin always gets sulky when either one of his favorite people weren't there on the events that are very special to him. like that one when he performed his first theater musical performance. jihoon hadn't attended back then because he was really busy with all the deadline piling up on his desk, and even then, seokmin had ignored him for a week.

"right? seokmin does that to me too."

"hey i heard my name!" they both twisted their heads to the front where the birthday boy was standing, hands on his hips like he was scolding two toddlers. "are you both talking bad behind my back?" seokmin asked, raising his pointer finger to point from soonyoung, to jihoon.

"no we aren't minnie, we were just talking about how cute our birthday boy was." jihoon teased, bringing a hand up to ruffle seokmin's hair before standing up straight and pulling him to a headlock. soonyoung laughed, completely entertained as seokmin pretended he was getting choked when in reality, jihoon was just simply placing his arms around his neck with no pressure.

"hyung that's enough let me go you'll ruin my hair." seokmin whined, playfully glaring at his older brother who just smiled cheekily at him before sitting back down. 

"so, how's everything going for you two? need anything?" seokmin asked cheerfully after he smoothed the wrinkles on his polo and brushing his disheveled hair in an attempt to look decent once again.

"i'm fine, mingyu got me enough food and i think-" soonyoung paused, rubbing his tummy with a pleased sigh, "-i'm going to burp really loud at any moment now." 

he hears jihoon chuckle beside him, raising a hand to ruffle soonyoung's hair randomly. it had been jihoon's habit to just suddenly ruffle either seokmin or soonyoung's hair. it was something jihoon had been doing ever since they were little, and soonyoung won't deny how much he likes the affection.

"and what about you hyung?" seokmin turned to his brother. jihoon raises a hand to a dissmisive wave.

"don't worry about me. i'm feeling fine, just like youngie here." seokmin looks like he was about to say something when he was suddenly called that sounded like minghao.

"seokmin! mingyu's already attacking your cake without pictures!" seokmin gasped when minghao emphasized the word without, giving his best friend and brother one last smile and wave before dashing towards mingyu to pull him away from his cake with a loud "hey i still didn't get pictures with my cake nor did i ate it yet! get in line!" that made soonyoung chuckle.

jihoon and soonyoung fell back to talking again, catching up on each other's life and exchanging funny stories (either about seokmin or some other mutual friends) until they were both laughing out loud, hands clutching their stomachs as they both laugh hysterically.

they only stopped when they both realized that the room had dimmed, and when they heard tables and chairs being pushed to the side. the two of them glanced at the middle of the room like curious cats, seeing the middle being cleared from the tables and chairs to form a wide space for dancing.

"ladies and gents!" seokmin's voiced suddenly roared through the loud speakers, making soonyoung wince at the loud sunshine-y voice while jihoon looked at his brother who was at the dj's, mic aimed at his mouth with a shit eating grin. he silently thanked the dj who lowered the speaker's volume once he's gotten a glance of people wincing at the sudden loudness of the birthday boy's voice.

"go all out and own the dancefloor! don't forget to bring your partners with you! shake your ass, make out, i don't care. enjoy!" soonyoung visibly cringed at what he said, drinking the rest of the juice on his cup that he had managed to refill from one of the waiters moving around the restaurant. 

soonyoung watched as jihoon finished the wine on his wine glass before he let out a heavy sigh, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. he stood up after, and smoothed the wrinkles on his polo before running a hand on his jet black disheveled hair.

"wanna dance, youngie?" jihoon had offered, slurring a bit even though they both know he was half-tipsy. soonyoung just shook his head, pushing the bottle of soju sitting in front of him with his nose wrinkled that seungkwan had placed on his table earlier with a wink. he wasn't planning on getting drunk today, nope, he wasn't about to deal with a stupid hangover when he has a practice at eight in the morning.

"no thanks hyung, i don't feel like showing off today." he joked half-heartedly, sending a teasing grin at jihoon who only chuckled at him.

"well alright then, suit yourself." jihoon replied, ruffling soonyoung's hair before going disappearing on the crowed in the middle of the room.

so that's how he spent half an hour staring at his phone, trying to distract himself and stopping the urge to reach for the bottle of soju sitting in front of him innocently. he was doing good when he suddenly his name shouted near his front.

"soonie hyung!" he lifted his head, only to feel his throat suddenly go dry and regret crawling up his skin. he hadn't noticed seungkwan who suddenly slipped to where jihoon was sitting earlier, holding two unopened bottles of soju.

"are you really sure you aren't drinking today?" seungkwan chirped, placing the alcoholic drinks on the table while soonyoung just stared at what was in front of him, hands painfully clenched to fists on his lap. his face was stoic but if you squint, you'd see the flash of hurt in his eyes. seungkwan had frowned when soonyoung didn't answered.

"hyung?" when he still hadn't answered, he followed his gaze and felt himself freeze on his spot.

because right there, jihoon was smirking. a few of his buttons were undone and his hair was sticking everywhere, his hands were on a blonde girl's hips who's face was caked with make up as she grinded on him. jihoon doesn't seem to mind and grinded back, the smirk not falling off his face as he lowered his face to trail kisses on her nape.

soonyoung had enough. he couldn't continue watching him grinding on some woman he didn't knew. he fiddled with his hands, finding his phone (stupid useless machine) uninteresting after the batteries had died and he had nothing to focus on. he wanted to distract himself, distract himself from the pain.

"hyung? are you alright?" he hears seungkwan ask carefully, but he doesn't answer. his eyes caught the sight of the three unopened bottles of soju and without hesitating, he reached for one and opened it with a spoon. seungkwan just watched with his eyes wide in horror as soonyoung doesn't even hesitate to gulp down half of the bottle.

"i changed my mind." soonyoung paused, feeling his throat burning but he paid it no mind as he gave seungkwan a lopsided grin that showed no sign of happiness. "i'm drinking tonight." and just like that, he drank half the bottle once again.

see that was the problem about jihoon. he didnt knew why he had to be so painfully heterosexual. from the past years that soonyoung had been crushing on him, not once has he heard from jihoon that he had a boy crush. it would always be either the hottest girl on campus or the noona who kept supporting him when he was in his highschool's baseball team.

before he could even reach for another one, seungkwan had grabbed it and pulled it away from him, his eyes furrowed as he shook his head at him firmly.

"hyung are you sure you want to drink? you have a practice at eight in the morning tomorrow and you know you have to attend it. hyung, how about we just go home?" seungkwan asked hopefully, gone were the thoughts of having fun drinking with his favorite hyung after he had witnessed the love of his life grinding on someone else. soonyoung just sighed, deflating on his chair before raising his hands and dug the heel of his palms on his eyes to stop the tears.

"seungkwan i dont care. i dont give a fuck and all i want is to drink. now please, hand it over." soonyoung begged, removing his hands from his face to stare at seungkwan with glassy eyes. the image left a horrible feeling on him, and all he wanted to do was curl up and hope for the horrible feeling at the pit of his stomach disappear. seungkwan couldn't say no to that, so with a sigh, he held a finger up with a frown.

"alright, in one condition. you don't get to blame me for this tomorrow, alright? i tried to stop you." soonyoung nodded eagerly at that, making grabby hands before seungkwan sighed and gave in. he watched as soonyoung opened the other bottle with a spoon again and was about to drink straight from the bottle when seungkwan held his wrist.

"wait. don't drink yet." seungkwan warned, standing up and disappearing from the crowd. soonyoung sniffed, placing the soju down on the table before groaning when the burning pain on his throat still hadn't left. his vision was beginning to blur but he ignored it and accepted the empty shot glass seungkwan brought with him after he came back.

he poured himself one glass, before throwing his head back and gulping it down before pouring himself another. again and again and again (and again!) until he was swaying from left to right, his body feeling heavy and his eyelids droopy. his mind feeling light and all he could focus on was the burning pain on his throat. he was drunk. he knew he was drunk. yet he poured himself another glass, spilling some on the table but he just shrugged it off and downed it in one go with a loud shout.

seungkwan threw him a concerned look, checking his wriswatch before deciding it was time for him to go home. he left soonyoung hugging the table with the shot glass on his hand to find the birthday boy to inform his leave, and also to inform him about the current state his best friend was in. once he had found him, seokmin had quickly excused himself and followed seungkwan who led him to soonyoung's table. when seokmin asked why he was suddenly like this, seungkwan ended up telling him the truth before finally leaving the party with one last concerned gaze for soonyoung.

"soonie?"soonyoung abruptly lifted his head from the table, hiccuping with his face bright red from the alcohol and his eyelids feeling heavy. he squinted at the familiar mop of brown hair in front of him before he giggled at detached himself from the table to hug seokmin.

"bestfrieeeeeeend! h- hiccups - happy birth- hiccups -dayyyyy!" soonyoung yelled over the loud club music, giggling while clinging to seokmin. seokmin smiled at him, but it wasn't the one that reached his eyes. soonyoung was too drunk to notice.

"yes yes, thank you soonie." seokmin made him sit back down, his eyes scanning the crowd in the middle to find his brother. his gaze landed on him, whose body was pressed against a blonde girl's body, a smirk tugging at his lips as the girl started trailing kisses on his neck. his hands were on her hips, rubbing it up and down before it gradually went lower to her ass. seokmin quickly teared his gaze away from him, feeling slight annoyance bubbling on his chest. he would have to have a little talk with his brother without mentioning soonyoung's undying love for him.

"soonie, why don't we get you sobered up-" he was cut off when he caught soonyoung staring at jihoon and the girl, now fully making out in the middle as if they were the only people in the world. he panicked. his hands flying to cup soonyoung's face and force him to look at seokmin instead.

"soonyoung-" seokmin was cut off when soonyoung suddenly wailed. hot tears trailing down his face as his palms flew to cover his face. his shoulders were shaking and seokmin felt his heart clench at the pained look on soonyoung's face.

"oh soonyoung.." seokmin mumbled apologetically, pulling his best friend for a hug, soonyoung just clung to him, holding him as close as possible before crying his heart out.

when his drunk self had caught up that they were still on seokmin's party, he eventually pulled his best friend away, wiping the wet fat tears away from his eyes.

"s-sorry." soonyoung mumbled, feeling bad that he suddenly cried at seokmin's party. this was supposed to be a joyous event, but here comes soonyoung with his fragile heart, crying and ruining his best friend's party just because he saw him grinding on someone else that wasn't him. honestly, what did he even expected? seokmin opened his mouth to speak when he was once again called to the side. 

"go." soonyoung urged him, pouring soju on his shot glass again before downing it and pouring himself one again. seokmin just frowned, opening his mouth to protest when soonyoung gave him a pleading look. it was enough for seokmin to swallow his words and sigh.

"seokmin it's your party. it's alright, don't worry about me. i can handle myself." soonyoung slurred over some words, deciding to ditch the shot glass and drink straight from the bottle since boo seungkwan wasn't around anymore. seokmin seems to hesitate, but when he realized soonyoung wanted space, he left with a pat on his shoulder.

there wasn't even a minute for soonyoung to breath when a familiar mop of raven hair appeared on his vision, settling himself back down from where he was sitting earlier. soonyoung tried not to glance at him and distract himself by trying to finish the alcohol in one go. but he eventually ended up staring at him anyway, eyeing jihoon from up to down who was just leaning on his chair while catching his breath like he just ran a marathon.

the buttons that were unbuttoned earlier were now buttoned again. soonyoung inspected his neck, expecting a few hickeys but was surprised when he saw his milky white skin free from such bruises. instead of hickeys, his neck was decorated with smudges of lipstick, most probably from the girl he was grinding on earlier. his hair was still disheveled and his lips looked swollen. soonyoung could feel his stomach churn in displeasure at the sight.

jihoon must've noticed soonyoung had been looking at him and he let out an embarrassed laugh while trying to wipe his neck with the back of his hand.

"i thought you weren't drinking tonight, youngie?" jihoon had said to distract the both of them while soonyoung had finished his third bottle. he set down the empty glass bottle with a bitter chuckle. "i changed my mind hyung." 

"how many bottles have you drank so far?"

"three." soonyoung felt his head was spinning, like it was splitting in every direction. there was a headache forming on his temples and he suddenly felt very sick. he groaned, feeling like everything he had eaten was slowly making its way back up to his throat.

jihoon frowned at soonyoung's answer, immediately snatching the unopened bottle of soju (that soonyoung had gotten from mingyu before he left with minghao) and placing it down in the ground before crossing his arms. "and why did you drank so much?".

soonyoung just whined, his eyes prickling with tears as he tried to reach for his bottle. but in his drunk state, he couldn't think straight. everything was spinning and his vision was blurred and all he could make out was jihoon's disapproving expression.

"give it back hyung!" 

"i think you drank enough, soonyoung. you usually don't drink this much and as far as i know, you hate drinking and most specifically, hangovers. you should be thanking me." jihoon sighs, standing up from his chair to approach the boy across him. jihoon's face scrunched in the middle as he tried to pull the younger up. "come on." he urged.

soonyoung suddenly fell silent, feeling his stomach weird and like there was something stuck on his throat. he felt himself getting pulled up to his feet, his head felt like it was spinning even harder and his eyelids were droopy. a choked sound came out from the back of his throat while jihoon looked at him worriedly.

"youngie? are you oka-" but jihoon we cut off when soonyoung opened his mouth and vomited on his shirt. jihoon's eyes widened in surprise as he pushed soonyoung away from him by instinct. the younger male stumbled on his own feet and fell on his bum with a loud thud. 

soonyoung groaned, tears welling up in the edge of his eyes in pain and before he knows it, tears were streaming down his face. jihoon panicked, completely forgetting about his puke stained shirt and instantly went to soonyoung's side to help him sit up straight while profusely apologizing. he could feel eyes on them and the thought of someone witnessing them made the tip of his ears redden in embarrassment. he scrunched his nose up when the smell of vomit was slowly filling his nose, disgusting.

"youngie… i'm so sorry i didn't mean to do that." jihoon apologized, slinging soonyoung's arm around his shoulders to help him up. the latter wiped his tears messily with the back of his hand, hiccups falling from his mouth.

"h-hyung…" soonyoung croaked out, voice raspy as he felt the familiar feeling in his stomach again, like all the food he had swallowed was coming back up to his throat. jihoon looked at him worriedly, his arms wrapped around soonyoung's waist to hoist him up.

"toilet." and that was enough for jihoon to drag soonyoung's heavy body to the nearest loo. he opened the lights, made soonyoung kneel in front of the toilet, just in time for the younger to vomit. soonyoung gripped on the edge of the toilet tightly, feeling his eyes stinging in pain as he emptied his stomach on the toilet.

jihoon sighed, rubbing a hand up and down on soonyoung's back in comfort. once he was done emptying his stomach, jihoon guided him to sit down while leaning his back on the cold wall as he flushed the toilet. jihoon slowly leaned closer to him, wiping his mouth gently with the hem of his polo before sighing and glanced down at his dirty polo.

"youngie can you do hyung a favor?" jihoon asked him softly, and soonyoung could only look up at him with bleary eyes.

"sure hyung." he slurred.

"good, just stay here and don't move okay? i'll be right back." jihoon made sure to seal his promise with a kiss on his temple before heading out to find his younger brother. once he spotted him walking away with a wave from a group of friends. he tapped on seokmin's shoulder to get his attention and when he turned around to look at him, his eyes widened in shock at jihoon's polo and pants.

"oh my god hyung what happened?" seokmin asked in surprised, eyeing his brother from up to down before bringing his eyes up to meet jihoon's gaze.

"soonyoung accidentally threw up at me. do you have any clothes that you brought that i could borrow? and maybe mouthwash?" jihoon asked hopefully, slowly feeling disgusted by how the polo was starting to stick at his skin. seokmin modded at him, told him to wait before he dashed at a room and came back holding a pile messy folded clothes and a mouthwash. jihoon thanked him before quickly making his way back to the bathroom where he had left soonyoung.

he found the latter sitting there, and it looked like he didn't even moved an inch. he carefully placed the clothes on the sink first before he guided soonyoung up to his feet, who seems to comply without any protest.

"hyung my mouth feels disgusting." soonyoung groaned, gripping on jihoon's shoulder for support as he tried not to stumble down. the older just chuckled, opening the cap of the mouthwash before pouring the oral on the cap and ordered soonyoung to open his mouth.

after thirty seconds of gargling and jihoon's warnings that he shouldn't swallow the mouthwash, soonyoung spat it on the sink after jihoon tucked the messy clothes under his armpit. he told him to wait for him outside while he changed his clothes.

once he had stripped off from his disgusting clothes, he was surprised to see soonyoung sitting down on the floor, bottom lip stick out to a pout as he looked up at jihoon with his big innocent eyes. without a doubt, he was still drunk. 

"hyung." soonyoung whined, drawing the u longer while making grabby hands at jihoon who scrunched his nose up at the younger. jihoon just sighed tiredly, crouching down to soonyoung's level with a questioning look. he was too tired to speak and he knew soonyoung could easily read his face.

"carry me like a baby!" soonyoung exclaimed, holding his arms up for jihoon to bring him up to his arms. what he said had left jihoon gaping like a fish, staring at him in surprise. he surely didn't expected that.

"what?"

"i'm hyung's baby right? now carry me like a baby!" soonyoung demanded childishly, eyebrows forming to a cute frown as the pout on his lips still hadn't left. his nose and cheeks were tinted into a shade of pink, probably from the alcohol. jihoon just sighed for the nth time, scratching his head like he owned all the problems in the world before he bursted into fits of giggles when soonyoung started to cutely glare at him. god he was too cute for his heart.

"alright alright, hyung will carry you." jihoon chuckled, handing his dirtied clothes to soonyoung and told him to wrap his arms around jihoon's neck while holding his clothes. jihoon lifted him up with a grunt, one of his arm was under soonyoung's butt to support him up and to prevent him from falling down while his other arm was encircled around his waist.

it must be pretty weird to witness a small figure carrying someone inches taller than him like a baby, because the moment jihoon stepped out to find his brother, it felt like he had grown two heads because almost everyone that was left was staring at the both of them

soonyoung sure was heavy, jihoon thought to himself as he tried to ignore the stares while slowly making his way to seokmin. he could feel soonyoung shuffle on his arms before he felt soonyoung's warm breath fanning and tickling the side of his neck. when he looked down, he was met with soonyoung's tired face, his head rested on jihoon's shoulder while his lips was pressed to a thin line. jihoon's gaze soften, before he moved his hand up and down on soonyoung's side to a comforting gesture.

"tired are we, youngie?" jihoon asked softly, hand still rubbing on soonyoung's side. the latter just huffed, before he nodded his head at his hyung before nuzzling his face closer to his neck for warmth. when jihoon noticed soonyoung wasn't planning to speak, he lifted his head again and already saw seokmin making his way to them.

"is he alright hyung?" seokmin asked worriedly, his face washed with concern. jihoon just smiled at him, giving him a nod. "yeah don't worry. i'm gonna bring him home first and come back here to help you clean up so you could-"

"no no hyung." seokmin shook his head, placing a hand on his hip. he lifted his fist in the air, pointer finger coming up and shaking sideways to a no-no gesture. jihoon was about to protest but was cut off when soonyoung suddenly sneezed to his shoulder, taking him by surprise.

"i have enough help to clean up today. jeonghan and shua hyung offered to help and they recruited some of their friends to help too. so," seokmin paused, patting soonyoung's back with a mischievous smile. jihoon shoots him a questioning look but seokmin doesn't elaborate. "take care of soonie and go and get some sleep. got it? im not taking no as an answer hyung."

seokmin sends him a half-hearted glare when jihoon opened his mouth to speak, only for himself to be interrupted with the whining figure he was carrying on his arms. "hyuuunggg let's go back home please i miss my bed." 

"fine." jihoon huffed, grunting at soonyoung's weight on his arms before sending seokmin one last look.

"just call me if you need a hand, alright? happy birthday minnie." jihoon says sincerely, leaning in to peck seokmin's temple that caused seokmin to playfully slap his shoulders without disturbing soonyoung, once he was free from seokmin's party and has gathered his and soonyoung's stuff, he made his way to the parking lot from where he had parked his car.

"buckle up." jihoon mumbled softly after having to place soonyoung at the passenger's seat. he leaned in to the (confused) sleepy figure of soonyoung to made sure he had his seatbelts on before roaring the engine of his car to life, and driving the both of them back to his apartment.

the car ride would've been peaceful, if it weren't for soonyoung's constant shuffling on his seat and trying to remove the seatbelt on him. his eyebrows were narrowed to a frown and his eyes were barely opened. jihoon was starting to get impatient.

"soonyoung please stop moving around and don't remove your seatbelt." jihoon scolded, driving once again when the lights had turned green. soonyoung stops shuffling, making jihoon sigh in relief. silence surrounded the both of them, with jihoon being oblivious of soonyoung's (loving) gaze (with heart eyes) on him as he drives.

"alright we're here." jihoon announces. shutting the engine off as he removed his seatbelt. he leaned over to the passenger's seat to help soonyoung unbuckle his seatbelt. jihoon gets out of his car, walking to soonyoung's side and slipping his arm around his shoulder to help him up.

they walked to jihoon's apartment building slowly, with jihoon grunting every now and then at soonyoung's weight before he sighed in relief once they were standing inside the moving elevator. jihoon wasn't sure if soonyoung was awake because he had his eyes were closed the entire time, so he lifts a tentative pointer finger up to poke soonyoung's side to confirm his testimony.

"hyung that tickles." soonyoung giggles drunkenly, hooded eyes opening to look at jihoon. jihoon scrunched his nose and shot him a smile. they stand there for awhile before the elevator dings and jihoon dragged both him and soonyoung to his apartment door before struggling to unlock it since soonyoung won't let go of him.

eventually jihoon found himself standing beside his bed with a proud sigh and hands on his hips after having to tuck soonyoung in. soonyoung was laying down on his bed, eyes closed peacefully and his clothes were changed to one of jihoon's oversized pajamas. 

he sat down beside soonyoung's sleeping figure tiredly, the bed shrinking at his weight, eyes and lips both smiling before he leans in to peck soonyoung's forehead affectionately.

"goodnight, youngie."

_

soonyoung wakes up with a groan, a throbbing head, his throat feeling like it had been rubbed on sandpaper, and with another groan. he opens his eyes and the first thing he sees were light gray walls.

oh, and also a picture frame hanging on the wall that contains three teenagers. with jihoon in the middle with his obnoxious red hair and his arms slung over two shorter boys' shoulders that were undoubtedly, soonyoung and seokmin. the three of them grinning widely at the camera and with soonyoung raising a peace sign. soonyoung tries to remember when that photo was taken with his throbbing head, and he faintly remembers it being taken at jihoon's sixteenth birthday.

he rolled over jihoon's bed with another groan, slowly hoisting himself up on his elbows. he sat up straight, feeling like his head was being hammered and his vision a little blurry. he tries to recall what had happened last night, only remembering bits by bits only to stop when his head started to throb even more.

he looked on the bedside table with a happy sigh when he saw a pill neatly placed on top of a white handkerchief and a glass of water beside it. a small stick-it note was stuck in the glass and soonyoung picked it up to read what was written.

hey soonyoung this is jihoon. you're probably going to wake up with a massive headache (bec u drank 3 bottles if u dont remember) and if you're still confused you're at my apartment so please don't burn it down. take this pill over here and drink some water, take a bath (u stink), and eat the breakfast i cooked you. also about your 8am dance practice dont worry abt it, i texted minghao and excused you so you can rest. leave me a message when u wake up/when ur leaving the house.

-j hyung :) 

soonyoung popped the pill to his mouth and chugged the whole glass of water down, only realizing how thirsty he really was. he lets out a loud sigh, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand while kicking the blanket off his legs. he made a mental note to shoot jihoon and minghao a message before stretching his limbs, sighing in satisfaction when he hears a familiar crack from his back.

he was a little dizzy when he slowly approached jihoon's study table (why does jihoon have a study table when he already graduated from college), but it was not something be couldn't handle so it's fine. a pile of neatly folded clothes and another stick-it note were placed on the tabletop. he reads the note again, humming before glancing at the clothes.

since u don't have any clothes here u can borrow mine. make sure to WASH them before returning them to me okay? also i haven't worn the briefs/boxers so u don't have to worry.

-j hyung again :)

soonyoung finds it for himself to smile a little, despite the throbbing pain on his head and his blurry vision, he made his way towards the bathroom connected to jihoon's bedroom to take a shower.

he stepped a foot out half an hour later, feeling refreshed and relaxed with his skin warm. he had taken advantage of jihoon's heater and took a long shower while savoring the hot water running down on his skin. it cleared his headache a little bit and now his stomach was grumbling.

he dried himself with the towel wrapped around his torso loosely, before trying in jihoon's clothes and smiling at how it feels so comfortable (and it smells a lot like jihoon too, a bonus) before neatly folding his dirty clothes and shoving them on a random empty plastic bag soonyoung had found laying on the corner of jihoon's room.

he made his way to jihoon's kitchen, looking for the breakfast jihoon had prepared it and his eyes brightens when he saw a stack of four pancakes with strawberry syrup and a blueberry on top (his favourite!). he couldn't hold back the squeal before snapping a picture with his phone ( that he had found charging in the beside table) and sending it to jihoon with a goofy grin.

soonyoung 10:03

[image attached]

soonyoung 10:03

my favourite! thank u for the breakfast! ily hyung ur da best <3 <3 <3

soonyoung smiles to himself, sitting down on one of the chairs and started to inhale the food. he was halfway finishing his pancakes when he had remembered minghao. his thumbs clicking and scrolling until he founds his contact name.

soonyoung 10:17

haohao do u still need me there 2day?

minghao 10:20

no soonyoung its ok

minghao 10:20

jihoon hyung came by earlier and told us ur prob having a v huge headache from hangover nd its ok if u cant come

minghao 10:21

and also seungk told me to tell u not to come here even if u want to for some reason. told me it was better off like that.

soonyoung 10:21

why? i would be missing practice tho so its not good :(

minghao 10:21

idk, he told me to tell u to call him later. anw, me and jun hyung finished the choreo earlier. we can send u the vid if you'd like

soonyoung 10:22

sure!!

minghao 10:24

[video attached]

minghao 10:24

if u wanna change sumn just lmk

soonyoung 10:25

thanks haohao

soonyoung was about to exit their conversation, thinking that it would end there but was surprised when minghao sent him another message.

minghao 10:27

hey by any chance do u rmmbr from anythin last nyt

soonyoung paused eating, humming while trying to dig the back of his mind if he remembers anything. the only thing he remembers was getting drunk after he saw jihoon grinding on someone (that wasn't him, ouch) and then after that… nothing…

soonyoung 10:30

no, not rlly. why?

minghao 10:31

lmao did u know u puked on jihoon hyung last night. 

soonyoung choked on his food after reading what minghao had sent him. he gasped, reaching for the glass of water infront of him and chugging down half of it with a groan. he paused, staring at nothing and begging for his mind to confirm if he really did puked on jihoon or not (who knows maybe minghao's just fucking with him)

but before soonyoung could even type out a reply, his phone started ringing and when he glanced at it, minghao was asking for a call. he immediately swiped his thumb to the green button, wiping his hands on (jihoon's) denim jeans before picking up the phone and pressed it to his ear.

"you're not kidding right?" was the first thing soonyoung had said to the other line, laughing nervously while pushing the halfway eaten pancake a little. 

"soonyoung, i'm serious. you literally puked on his shirt last night and he had to drag your ass to his apartment to make sure-" minghao was suddenly cut off from the other line, followed by shuffle and muffled shouting voices from the background. it seems like minghao was walking to a more private and less quiet part considering how the shouting voices slowly disappeared.

"-you had a good night sleep." minghao continues when the line was enveloped with silence. soonyoung just groaned in response, feeling his ears beaten up in embarrassment.

"oh god, what else did i do that embarrassed myself?" soonyoung whines, pinching the bridge of his nose while mentally cursing himself. minghao just hummed, and soonyoung can literally hear him thinking.

"hyung said you asked him to carry you like a baby on your way back to his car-" soonyoung groaned again, feeling his face flush in embarrassment while banging his forehead to his table. and god, he doesn't think he would be able to face jihoon for more than a month in humiliation. 

"what the fuck why am i like that?" minghao laughed at soonyoung's misery.

"wait and also, hyung said he woke up to you last night while you were shouting something like 'jeonghan hyung we don't have any strawberry milk left' while crying and waving your arms in the air, and he had to pin you down on the bed because he said you almost fell from moving a lot."

soonyoung swallows hard, slamming his forehead on the table repeatedly while loudly cursing at himself. minghao just laughed, and soonyoung wanted to swipe the smug look minghao probably has on on his stupid face now.

"you're laughing while i just fucking lose my dignity right infront of the love of my life." soonyoung glared at nothing in particular, already plotting his ways to embarrass minghao infront of mingyu when he gets the chance.

"dude you can't deny it it's funny-"

"it's not funny! minghao shut the fuck up!" soonyoung whined, and it seems like minghao's laughter just doubled and soonyoung knew he's so close to rolling on the floor.

"it is funny-" minghao was cut off when a voice on the other line called after him. "minghao there you are! i've been looking for you- who are you talking to?" and soonyoung took a moment to listen to the distant voice before he figured it was seungkwan.

"soonyoung, why?" the line goes silent after minghao answered seungkwan's question. soonyoung pulled his phone away from his ear, confused if minghao had already ended the call.

"can i talk to him for a minute? this is really urgent." seungkwan's voice is more clear now, and soonyoung heard minghao says a small why but the phone was probably on seungkwan's grasp now.

"hyung." seungkwan had said, sounding a lot more serious than how he is usually. it made soonyoung frown a little, was there something wrong?

"well hello to you too seungkwan," soonyoung jokes, trying to atleast lighten up the building tension between him and seungkwan. it doesn't help, because seungkwan had responded sounding even more serious that he was.

"hyung, don't come here. he dropped by earlier asking for you." soonyoung feels his words die on his tongue, feeling a shiver run up to his spine. the familiar feeling bubbles on soonyoung's chest when his name is mentioned and soonyoung could feel his hand shake. no wonder why seungkwan sounded so serious.

"he came by just after jihoon hyung came to excuse you. when he found out you weren't here, he started throwing a fit and shouting something like "that bitch didn't showed up on purpose, i'll make sure to fuck that whore till he's begging for me to leave him alone," and i was about to fucking snap at his prawny face but guess what?"

"what?" soonyoung asked quietly, hands fully shaking from where it's placed by on the tabletop. he was searching for soonyoung again. that shit scares him, didn't they agreed to leave soonyoung alone once he got what he wants? why is he looking for him again? it doesn't help the fact that jihoon was there when he came. fuck.

"jihoon hyung spoke before me, his exact words were "don't talk shit about soonyoung like that, who even are you?" and he looked so pissed off. damn, i had never seen him so angry before, seokmin agrees with me. then after that, he tried to initiate a fight with jihoon while asking if he was his boyfriend or something but luckily, luckily thank jun hyung who called the guards when he saw him. and also…" seungkwan trailed off at the end, hesitating to say the next few words.

soonyoung, on the other hand, had felt cold. he knew what seungkwan was going to say next. this was something he dreaded the most, of jihoon finding out about this. only his circle of friends knew about this, with him harassing soonyoung everytime he gets the chance to do so. he had begged seokmin to keep his lip shut when he was so close to calling jihoon for help after soonyoung came home, while face and body bruised from shinhyuck.

"you told him." soonyoung tried to made his voice come out as nonchalant, but in the end, his voice has wavered, he felt vulnerable over again, with tears already brimming at the end of his eyes.

"hyung… i'm so sorry i really didn't mean to. jihoon hyung wouldn't leave unless he gets his answer on who he was, he even threatened us that he'll ask you by himself. hyung we really didn't mean to, we're sorry, i'm sorry." seungkwan's voice wavered at the end, followed my sniffles and soonyoung knew he was crying.

honestly, soonyoung had expected this. that jihoon would find out soon. but wasn't this too soon? he guessed not, this had been happening for a almost a year now, maybe it was time that jihoon finally knows about this whole mess. after all, soonyoung had spent most of his childhood and growing up with the lee brothers.

and that what exactly scared soonyoung, what was he going to think now that he knows? would he feel disgusted at soonyoung? or will he pity him? does jihoon wants to see his face again? would he be mad that jihoon didn't told him? does jihoon would even still want to be associated with a person like soonyoung?

now if soonyoung didn't have the guts to face jihoon for a month, now he probably doesn't have the guts to face him at all.

he didn't even realized there were already tears streaming down his face, and a broken sup erupted from the back of his throat. he didn't realized, not until seungkwan started to apologize.

"hyung i'm really sorry. hyung please forgive me." soonyoung can't bring himself to reply, only breaking down to loud sobs that probably made seungkwan feel guiltier that he was feeling before. all soonyoung wanted now was a comforting hug, and company.

"c-can you pick me- me up from h-here?" soonyoung managed to croak out in between heavy breathes and sobs, and seungkwan was already agreeing and passing the phone back to minghao to go all the way here.

soonyoung didn't how he managed to move a muscle from his spot. the next few things were being played like a poorly edited film, and all he can register right now was that he was standing right infront of jihoon's apartment with his door locked, the pancakes eaten and left halfway in the fridge, with a phone in hand and thumb hesitantly hovering over the two buttons on jihoon's contact.

with a sigh, he pressed ignore conversation and mute conversation on jihoon's contacts, deciding that he wanted some time to think. 

he wiped the tears that managed to escape from his teary eyes with the back of his hand, slowly leaning his back to jihoon's apartment's door and sliding down with a tired and frustrated sigh while waiting for seungkwan to come.

-

soonyoung avoided jihoon like the plague. he didn't received messages from jihoon (because he muted him and enabled ignore conversation) and seokmin just knows. of course he knows, jihoon had most probably told him about it and told seokmin to rely the question if soonyoung's mad at him. seokmin doesn't say it though, but soonyoung knows. he doesn't say anything though.

for the past four months after seokmin's birthday (and the puking incident), soonyoung had been a little more guarded that usual. he would avoid walking by himself and would prefer to walk with someone, because now that shinhyuck had made his presence again, soonyoung knew he was in danger. 

his friends had understood what he felt, so they would always split themselves on whose going to be with soonyoung for a day, or whose going to pick him up after his dance practice, it made soonyoung's heart swell at how much they made sure soonyoung was safe and fine.

this month though, shinhyuck started to less and less appear on soonyoung's life. soonyoung didn't know if he should be thankful, because the tiny voice on his head keeps whispering that he's planning something, don't let your guard down and he trusted that stupid voice, the fear lingering in his chest won't leave him and soonyoung wished shinhyuck could just vanish from this world.

anyways, soonyoung had locked himself up in his room with a heavy heart, because today was the last day jeonghan was going to be his roommate and said guy had left just a few minutes ago. his parents had gifted jeonghan a new condominium, and jeonghan was just as sad as soonyoung when they parted ways.

his book was laid open on his desk, but he wasn't really reading the highlighted sentences. he was more likely staring off into space, since a new problem had made its way to his long list of unsolved problems.

now that jeonghan had moved, soonyoung had to pay double the rent since he has no roommate, and that means he has to spend less from his allowance and has to get a job other than working as a waiter in the uni's cafe. he sighed tiredly, dropping his pencil to the table before rubbing his face with both of his palms harshly.

a loud ping was what pulled soonyoung out from his dilemma, and he flinched. he slowly reached for his phone, clicking the new notification absentmindedly which led him to a new text message from an unknown number.

he freezes at first, thinking that it was shinhyuck who managed to get his number and he tenses. but when he read the message he sighs out in relief and relaxed, before tensing a bit again.

unknown 19:06

hey soonyoung i know you probably don't want to talk to me at the moment, but i'm really worried about you since seokkie refuses to talk about you. ive been really worried for the past few weeks because i literally have no clue about how you're doing right now and because… of you know.. i know you need some time but maybe just a little assurance that you're not mad at me would be fine? i know im not in any place to say this but if you need someone to lean on, im always here youngie. i love you.

-j hyung :)

(ps ignore this message if i made u uncomfy :( )

soonyoung felt his heart swell at the message, his eyes stung and his vision got blurry yet he didn't let any tears fall. he sniffed once, already typing a reply to his favourite hyung (don't tell jeonghan.)

soonyoung 19:22

hyung what you said really means a lot to me, and i'm not mad. actually, i think i was the one who needed to ask you if you're mad at me after finding out. i'm sorry if i'm avoiding you but i just really need some time to think. i love you too hyung.

j hyung 19:26

youngie why would i be mad? there's no reason why i would be mad. i understood how you felt because situations like this isnt something you go around telling random people. and about you avoiding me, that's okay too, take all the time you need to think. it's nice to hear that you're not mad at me. if you're finally ready to face me again, maybe we could go out and eat at your favourite restaurant with your friends. my treat.

soonyoung smiles at jihoon's reply feeling his heart thump loudly against his ribcage. the constant fear of jihoon hating him for what shinhyuck had done to him slowly, slowly dissipated, because even through text, soonyoung could feel jihoon's sincerity. after all, jihoon was never one to tell lies.

soonyoung 19:30

that's nice to hear hyung, i'm screenshotting this for future purposes ㅋㅋㅋ

soonyoung 19:30

i hope i can see you soon, fairy hyung.

j hyung 19:31

me too. i miss you my tiger.

-

the next time soonyoung meets jihoon, it was completely unintentional. it came in the form of an accident, and soonyoung wasn't even thinking about jihoon when it all happened. he came bursting right at seokmin's front door, then breaking down into loud sobs once the door was opened, he didn't even spared a glance at who opened the door, because all he wanted was to curl up and cry.

it had all been an accident, he didn't mean to do it. but now, maybe it was too late to explain himself. his parents had already disowned him just a few minutes ago, when soonyoung accidentally sent the wrong message to them. it was supposed to be for his and his friend's group chat, and he just had to click the wrong chatroom.

"soony- oh my god soonyoung what's wrong?" came a painfully familiar voice, but soonyoung couldn't bring himself to care. he felt jihoon's hand rubbing his back up and down in a comforting manner, circling his other arm around soonyoung's curled up figure. soonyoung sobs started to get heavy, his shoulders trembling from anxiety while he buried his face on his knees.

"hyung? who's at the- oh my god hyung what happened!?" came seokmin's panicky voice as he rushed towards his best friend and brother. soonyoung shook his head repeatedly, curling himself further while he felt jihoon's scent and warmth embraced him like a warm blanket. he unconsciously leaned in to him, feeling another warmth drowning his whole figure that was unmistakably seokmin.

"okay okay we won't push you into telling us." jihoon's honey voice soothed soonyoung once the elder sensed his distress. soonyoung shakily sighed in relief, slowly calming down from his hysteric sobbing. a few minutes later, he heared jihoon's voice once again, along with seokmin's low soothing voice whispering sweet nothings.

"youngie, how about we go to the living room, hm? or do you want to rest for a bit at seokmin's room?"

"n-no." soonyoung croaked out, not sure what he really wanted. on one hand, he wanted to be alone on seokmin's room, while on the other hand, he wanted jihoon and seokmin to be by his side. 

"no?" seokmin frowned, inching closer to engulf his best friend to a hug. soonyoung relaxes to his best friend's hold, face buried on his chest. 

"you got to give us a clearer answer youngie." jihoon said, his warmth not entirely leaving soonyoung's body but seokmin's warmth was almost overpowering jihoon's warmth. soonyoung doesn't want that. so he pulled away from seokmin, opening his puffy eyes to see jihoon's blurred crouching figure by his side. he doesn't hesitate to drape his whole figure against his hyung, his sobs slowly turning to sniffles.

"n-no. i-i want to cuddle with hyung and minnie." soonyoung sniffled, curling himself under jihoon's chin. jihoon's slender fingers immediately went to soonyoung's brown locks, entangling them on the hair strands and massaging his scalp.

"okay." jihoon said softly, almost inaudible, but due to their close proximity soonyoung had managed to catch it. soonyoung doesn't really know what happens next, just felt himself getting lifted up in the air, his face buried on jihoon's neck and inhaling his perfume. voices were talking behind him, yet soonyoung paid them no mind and clinged to jihoon's warm body for more warmth.

"where's seokmin?" soonyounh mumbled, feeling the soft sheets of seokmin's mattress. he blearily opened his eyes, watching as jihoon gently dragging seokmin's duvet up to his chest. soonyoung closed his eyes again, feeling the same hands entangling themselves on his brown locks. the bed dipped from jihoon's weight just beside soonyoung's head, so the younger instantly curled himself to jihoon's side and buried his face on the elder's hip.

"he left earlier, since today was the rehearsal for his theatre performance. he didn't wanted to leave, but he had to." soonyoung whined, his fingers finding purchase on jihoon's shirt to ball his fist. "he promised to come back here with jajangmyeon."

soonyoung doesn't respond, and instead, he willed himself to relax under jihoon's gentle touch, his grip on jihoon's shirt slowly loosening. his eyes felt heavy, fatigue washing over his body from the amount of crying he spent earlier. soonyoung was about to head to dreamland, but suddenly, the fingers entangled on his hair suddenly disappeared, and so did the warmth.

soonyoung's eyes immediately snapped open, his eyes landing on to jihoon who's quietly walking towards the door to seokmin's room in hope to not wake the sleeping figure up.

"hyung." soonyoung instantly called for him, sounding a lot more needy than he intended. he watched as jihoon freeze on his spot, before turning around with an apologetic look before walking back to his spot on the bed.

"sorry, did i woke you up?" he asks.

"no." soonyoung answered, hoisting himself up with his elbows before moving until his head was on jihoon's lap. jihoon doesn't say anything, and just threaded his fingers on soonyoung's hair again.

"why were you leaving?" soonyoung asked after a moment of silence. the movements on his hair stopped, and soonyoung almost failed to hold back a whine.

"i thought you wouldn't want me here since…" jihoon's voice trailed off at the end, sighing sadly down at the younger male on his lap.

"i did say i wanted to cuddle with seokmin and you, and since seokmin isn't here you better make up for his warmth." soonyoung huffed, frowning and glaring cutely at jihoon. jihoon laughed, unthreading his fingers and bopping soonyoung's nose. 

"okay, let's cuddle then." jihoon said softly, gently prying soonyounh off his lap before slipping under the duvet with soonyoung. the younger instantly curled to jihoon's side, tucking themselves under jihoon's chin while his arms snaked around jihoon's torso. a small smile blossomed on jihoon's face, his own arms snaking around soonyoung's shoulder while he pressed his knee between soonyoung's warm, marshmallow thighs.

"sleep well." it was the last thing soonyoung had heard, before he drifted off to sleep while dreaming of strawberries, honey, and jihoon.

-

soonyoung wakes up to a soft tune humming right above his ears, and a thumb rubbing soothing circles on his lower back. 

he tightens his hold on whoever he was hugging, nuzzling his face deeper on someone's neck with a satisfied sigh.

"soonyoung? are you awake now?" 

jihoon? soonyoung frowned, blearily opening his eyes while staring up at the blurry figure looking down at him. once his vision had cleared, he slightly widened his eyes. what am i doing here?

jihoon had noticed the surprised and confused look he had, so he temporarily stopped rubbing circles on soonyoung's lower back to press it between soonyoung's creased eyebrows, in attempt to soothe the frown away. he doesn't like seeing his youngie frown.

"it's okay. you're okay. you came here at minnie's house and suddenly broke down, if you don't remember." jihoon explained, his hand crawling to the back of soonyoung's head to nuzzle it on his neck. soonyoung's tensed shoulders relaxed, shakily breathing in before pulling away from jihoon's neck to stare at the elder.

"hyung?" he said, voice groggy from sleep.

"yeah?"

"are you mad at me?" jihoon frowned down at him. "no, youngie, why would i be mad?"

of course, soonyoung knew jihoon was hiding something from him. so he pulled away from jihoon a little, sitting up straight which led to jihoon following his actions.

"hyung, please be honest with me. were you really not atleast, not a little upset?"

"of course i was upset soonyoung." soonyoung's heart dropped at jihoon's harsh voice. he was stunned, his whole body stiffening like rock, leaving his eyes wide open as he avoided jihoon's eyes to stare down at his lap instead.

"of course i was upset, who wouldn't be? I was upset that you didn't told me sooner. i was upset that i wasn't able to help you during your hard times with… with…with him. i was upset i wasn't there to comfort you when you needed it the most. i was-" jihoon's voice cracked, and soonyoung's black orbs and hands started to shake from anxiety. he didn't looked from jihoon, no, not when he could hear his hyung sniffing while quietly sobbing.

"i was upset that you didn't trusted me. do you know how i felt when i found out one of the most precious person in my life was being harassed by some nasty asshole? do you know how i felt when i heard him talking shit about you like you're some kind of toy he could play with?" jihoon's voice was laced with anger, but it wasn't directed at soonyoung, it was for shinhyuck, soonyoung knows that. but he still couldn't help the guilty feeling swirling on his stomach when jihoon said soonyoung didn't trusted him. fuck. soonyoung is so fucked up.

soonyoung gathered all his courage to look at jihoon, who was fully crying now. big fat tears streaming down his cheeks, then to the gray duvet. his tears created a small circle wet patch on seokmin's duvet, and soon, it was covered with more wet patches. soonyoung felt a lump forming on his throat, before swallowing heavily, willing for the lump to go away so he can speak properly.

"h-hyung-" soonyoung's voice cracked, and so did his heart. he didn't like seeing jihoon cry, it was one of the most painful images he didn't like to see. so watching jihoon cry, his hands shakily wiping the tears away from his eyes with the back of his hand, all soonyoung wanted to do was take him to his arms and wipe his tears away for him, and shower him with love.

"i-i'm-" jihoon suddenly yanked the younger to his arms, holding him tightly while burying his face on soonyoung's neck before the latter could even finish what he was saying. soonyoung's breath hitched, his arms immediately wrapping around jihoon's torso by instinct. 

"but- but i completely understand w-why you d-didnt told m-me." jihoon said in between heavy breathes, lifting his head up to stare at soonyoung dead in the eye. soonyoung's hands abandoned jihoon's waist, flying to cup jihoon's cheeks with hiis warm palms. soonyoung wiped the elder's tears with the pad of this thumbs, gently caressing his face. the gesture must've calmed down jihoon for a bit, because his sobs slowly turned to sniffles.

"i really do understand why you didn't told me, because like what i had told — texted — you, i know this wasn't something easy you open up to someone. i'm slightly upset at myself for not being there for you, but hey, atleast my brother was there for you. i'm just — i'm sor-"

"hyung, please. don't be sorry, you have nothing to apologize for. i'm the one who should be saying sorry. not you. i'm sorry you thought i didn't trusted you. i'm sorry i didn't told you any sooner. i'm sorry that — that — i'm the reason why you're crying like this." soonyoung said, and this time, he was the one crying. jihoon hushed him, and this time, soonyoung was the one burying his face on jihoon's neck and jihoon was the one comforting him. again.

"shhh. don't cry soonie, it's okay. there's nothing to worry about, i forgive you." jihoon whispered soothingly to his ears, and soonyoung can only cry for the nth time, slowly feeling calmness and warmth wash over his whole body while jihoon rocked their bodies together.

"i love you."

"i love you too hyung."

soonyoung wished he could kiss him right now, at his very moment.

-

later that night, soonyoung managed to explain why he broke down on seokmin's front door. it was when he accidentally sent a message which contained of him being a horny gay adult he was, which led to his father and mother deciding that they can't live with the fact they had been living under the same roof with a gay son for years. they said they will stop sending him allowance and money for his rent, and straight up told him they're disowning him.

his sister had defended soonyoung, and in that process, she had told them she's not very different from soonyoung. it left his parents in a furry, saying how they can't believe they disobeyed God, saying how disrespectful the both of them were and how they didn't want to be associated with them anymore.

of course, it broke soonyoung's heart. not only did he managed for his parents to hate him, but also his precious sister.

his ranting had led to soonyoung complaining about how he was going to pay the rent, especially when jeonghan had moved out and he had to pay twice the rent. how was he going to pay when his part time job was only working at the university's café? and that led to jihoon offering him to stay with him for the meantime, since jihoon had an extra guest room that soonyoung could probably stay in. he didn't even got a say in all this because seokmin was already agreeing with his brother, a mischievous glint on his eyes when he glanced at soonyoung.

seokmin and jihoon's mom had called right when they were in the middle of eating jajangmyeon. she had told the trio about what soonyoung's mother had told her, to which mrs. lee had immediately breaking off contact with her since she couldn't handle the homophobia, especially when her youngest son was openly gay. soonyoung somehow wished his mother was just as supportive as mrs. lee, but turns out, maybe mrs. lee could be his mother as well. he may or may have not cried, when mrs. lee had told soonyoung he's very much valid and loved in this cruel world.

-

soonyoung had been living with jihoon for quite awhile now, which was quite nice actually. seokmin and his other friends were the one who helped him pack and unpack his things, to which soonyoung was thankful for. jihoon's apartment was so comfy, and it was cute how jihoon would always arrange the set of plushies below the tv screen. jihoon even let soonyoung use his shampoo and soap (and soonyoung may or may have not spent ten minutes sniffing jihoon's strawberry scented shampoo while imagining his nose buried on jihoon's soft strands). although they barely see each other during the day since jihoon goes to work very early and comes home very late (or sometimes he doesn't comes home at all, but he always give soonyoung a heads up when he does) which was a little saddening for soonyoung's part.

but hey, atleast soonyoung got the chance to giggle at jihoon's cute baby pictures when the latter wasn't home.

"oh soonyoung you're home." jihoon's voice was what greeted soonyoung just when the latter was toeing off his shoes. soonyoung neatly placed his shoes on the organized shoe rack (jihoon had thrown a fit when soonyoung carelessly left his shoes at the front door) before he looked up with surprise.

"oh hyung you're early." soonyoung chirped, smiling brightly as he eyed jihoon from head to toe. the elder was wearing a pink apron, with kiss the chef printed on bold red fonts in the middle. he was holding a spatula in one hand while the other hand was scratching behind his ear, looking at soonyoung with a wide grin. his hair was disheveled, from how many times he pushed his hair back after getting his eyes irritated by how the strands of his hair prickled his eyes. he was wearing an overly large plain white shirt, drowning his whole figure, paired by simple black shorts that reached up to his knees.

his whole image had pulled soonyoung's heartstrings, and holy fuck he looks so boyfriend material and all soonyoung wanted to do was make out with him on jihoon's couch. 

"soonyoung?" he snapped out of his train of thoughts as his eyes focused on the spatula jihoon was waving from left to right. he blinked a couple of times, darting his eyes to jihoon. "huh?"

"you've been staring at me for like, ten minutes." jihoon said, watching in amusement as the younger blushed for getting caught red-handed. the older just laughed heartily, ushering soonyoung inside his apartment to change into comfy clothes before eating dinner.

"you cooked dinner?" soonyoung gasped, staring with starry eyes at the dishes laid in the dining table that jihoon had cooked. jihoon nodded his head as his answer, wiping his wet hands on his shirt before glancing at soonyoung with expectant eyes. 

"yeah, my co-producer forced me to go home early and rest. i was bored to death so i decided to cook us some dinner. it was quite fun actually." jihoon doesn't admit his dilemma when he fried the fries earlier for some late afternoon snack, that resulted to jihoon hiding behind the fridge door when oil started to fly out the pan like fireworks.

"wow this is a lot.." soonyoung mumbled, already sitting down and his eyes zeroing in on a particular dish — fried chicken. jihoon laughs, a little embarrassed but nonetheless he sat down in ffront of soonyoung.

"let the feast begin!" soonyoung joked, only for him to get scolded when he forgot to wash his hands the moment he landed a finger on a chicken leg.

-

"shit." soonyoung groaned loudly, immediately rolling off his bed and cursing at his phone for not being loud enough to wake him up from his slumber. he rushed towards the bathroom connected to his room, tripping a little when his feet got caught up on the carpet. his eyes were barely open, but he managed to strip off from hims pyjamas to take a short, warm bath. 

"fuck!" soonyoung groaned for the second time, squeezing his eyes shut when he felt some of the shampoo fly towards his eye from his harsh rubbing of his head. he quickly moved to open the shower, letting the water zero down on his eyes and warily opening it once he was sure the shampoo was out.

finally, he was done showering and was now moving around his room to hunt for clothes. he ended up wearing a simple gray hoodie with a white shirt underneath, then pulling some random dark blue denim jeans over his legs before he rushed to get his coat and socks. it was raining heavily and the raindrops were softly thudding against his window pane, and he rushed to find some umbrella from his room. he was already twenty minutes late and he just couldn't find his goddamn umbrella.

eventually, he decided to ditch on finding his umbrella and quickly grabbed his phone and backpack, rushing downstairs and making a beeline towards the front door. he was rushing to put on some boots, his eyes landing on an umbrella (that was undoubtedly jihoon's) and he quickly reached for it.

"soonyoung?" jihoon's voice from behind startled him. his body instinctively jerked up and turned around, only to find jihoon on the same apron from yesterday and the same spatula in one hand.

"hyung?" he asked in confusion, eyebrows creasing. jihoon had always been going off to work before soonyoung could even wake up, so to see jihoon at nine twenty-eight in the morning looking like the nation's boyfriend with his disheveled raven hair had confused him.

"yeah hey — where are you going?" jihoon asked in suspicion once soonyoung turned back around again, to continue pulling the boots over his shoes.

"yeah you see hyung, i'm probably twenty —" - soonyoung paused, checking his wristwatch and groaning - "thirty minutes late and i really, really have to go if i don't want my prof to —"

"yeah about that, seokmin messaged me earlier telling me to tell you classes are cancelled today due to the storm. he said you probably won't check your phone so he told me to tell you." jihoon had spoken up in the middle of soonyoung's rambling, that led to the younger freezing like a stone for five minutes, before groaning.

"and here i was cursing at my damn alarm for not waking me up." soonyoung sighed, taking off his boots and placing the umbrella back from where he had found it on the rack. he was left in his socks with jihoon laughing at his misery.

"yeah and also about that, i was the one who turned off your alarm. ring ding dong isn't very pleasing to hear the first thing you wake up." jihoon shook his head, tailing a deflated soonyoung to his living room. the younger glared at jihoon playfully for bashing his favourite song, to which the older had just rolled his eyes at. soonyoung threw his back to the couch, shrugging off his coat and hoodie to the floor which earned a slap from jihoon.

"take your mess back your room!" he scolded, which oddly reminded soonyoung of his mother. he giggled at his cute hyung, before reaching out to cup his cheeks from where he was standing in front of him.

"yes hyungie." soonyoung said sweetly, even sporting him a wink before grabbing his things and rushing to his room when he got a sniff of bacon from the kitchen, his stomach grumbling in hunger as he eagerly placed his things away.

he failed to notice the red-faced jihoon, who was with his arms cross.

"that idiot is really dangerous for my heart."

-

the two of them ended up camping on jihoon (and soonyoung's) apartment for three days straight due to the heavy storm. they used all three days to spend time together, watching shows and movies and tons of anime while eating popcorns, baking cakes and cookies when jihoon had said he was craving for them, battling each other through an online game, and just simply laying down on jihoon's bed with their bodies pressed together, almost intimately.

of course, soonyoung had loved each moment he had spent with jihoon. but as soon as the storm had left south korea, jihoon was back to spending his time in his studio. 

soonyoung had somehow ended up all alone in the library at almost twelve in the morning, studying for finals. the library was open twenty four hours and soonyoung was the only one in there, although there were a few handful students earlier with him with the same goal to study for finals. they had left a few hours ago, leaving soonyoung alone to himself.

it was eerily silent, with only the tapping of his pen can be heard. his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, bottom lip caught in between his teeth as he willed himself not to sleep while rereading the same sentence for about five times already.

what pulled him out of focus, though, was when he felt a cold hand wrap around his wrist, then suddenly he was jerked up from his seat and was now pinned on a bookshelf. he failed to react quickly since his mind was an inch close to drifting off, but once he felt a sharp sting on both of his wrist from where it was pinned beside his head, it was what had wahsed his sleepiness away.

"hey baby." soonyoung watched with horrified eyes as shinhyuck leaned in closer to his face. he reeks of alcohol, so that means the senior is probably drunk and out of control. soonyoung's legs wobble in fear when he started to mouth his neck.

"l-let go of me!" he cries out weakly, which soon turned into a painful scream when shinhyuck had bit his neck, enough to draw blood. he tried to desperately move his wrists, pleading for him to let go of him but was silenced when shinhyuck looked back up at him with a glare and a harsh slap to his cheek.

"shut the fuck up!" soonyoung took the chance to knee his dick hard, which made shinhyuck let go of soonyoung and drop to his knees. soonyoung took the opportunity to rush and gather his things with shaky hands, before running away to hide in one of the shelves while panting. 

he tried to even out his breathing, but it only turned out worse when he couldn't find his phone. 

"fuck where the fuck is my phone —" he whispered, sighing in relief a little when his hand managed to came in contact with the device from where it was buried beneath his books and notebooks. he quickly pulled it out, forcing himself to move to another shelf quietly when he heard footsteps.

"soonie baby? where are you? come on now, don't be shy. i just wanna have fun, don't you want to have fun with me too?" soonyoung held in a breath when he spoke, he didn't moved an inch from where he was poorly hidden, in fear of making a noise that would leave shinhyuck to catch him.

"soonyoung, just come out you fucker." he sounded more annoyed now, and a little more distant than before. his footsteps was slowly disappearing and soonyoung proceeded to not move for another ten minutes to make sure he wasn't there anymore.

he breathed out quietly, his shaky hands immediately dialing whoever his thumb's contact and pressed. it only took one ring before the call was answered.

"soonyoung?" holy shit it was jihoon.

"jihoon hyung.. hyung.." he quietly cried out in desperation, he could feel tears streaming down his cheeks and he didn't know when he had started crying. his whole figure was trembling in fear.

"soonyoung? soonyoung what's wrong?" jihoon had asked worriedly, catching up on the fear lacing on soonyoung's voice.

"hyung i — he — please — hyung." he couldn't even form a sentence, and he could feel his breathing getting heavier. he was scared and hyperventilating.

"youngie, calm down first okay? just breath in, and out —"

"hyung i can't calm down. i — he — shinhyuck he h-harrased me and — and earlier he — he… " he couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence, his brought a hand up to cover his mouth to prevent any noise from coming out. he was a little thankful he managed to at least explain a little on what's happening to him right now. but jihoon didn't answered, and somehow, his fear had doubled. he had thought jihoon had probably ended the phone call, then thought he was disgusting, then suddenly he won't speak to soonyoung anymore because he hates him and —

"soonyoung where are you?" he was so relieved to hear jihoon's voice from the other side, although he sounded serious and soonyoung could hear the jihoon starting the engine of his car. soonyoung relaxed a little, closing his eyes while removing his hand from his mouth a little to speak.

"li-library." he spoke lowly, his voice cracking near the end. 

"okay, hang in there okay? i'll be there. just- just stay where you are and don't hang up okay? do you see him? or did he left?"

"i — i don't know hyung.. earlier he sounded so close but then his footsteps disappeared."

"okay, maybe that means he isn't close to where you're hiding but that doesn't mean he had left. is the library door open?" soonyoung paused. shakily breathing in through his mouth before moving his limbs. carefully and cautiously, he poked his head out from where he was hiding, his eyes darting to the opened library door, before he retreated back to his hiding spot.

"y — yeah.."

"okay," jihoon replied softly, and soonyoung couldn't find t himself to relax despite the soothing voice. he brought a hand up again to his mouth, to muffle the sounds before dropping his head to his knees with his eyes closed shut.

"youngie? youngie are you still there?"

"yes — yes hyung." 

"okay, okay, i'm here don't worry. okay? i'll just — just get out of my cat and go to you hm? we'll get out of this in one piece. i promise, we'll be okay. hyung will protect you." jihoon had comforted from the other line, slightly soothing down soonyoung's worries and panicked mind. the younger sighed a little, bringing his head back up again.

"hyung i'm going to check if he's still here." that must've alarmed jihoon because when he replied, he sounded like he's panicking.

"wha — no soonyoung don —"

but it was too late, soonyoung had already stood up with shaky limbs and threw an empty water bottle across the room. the fall caused a loud thud against the tiles that echoed around the room, and soonyoung quickly pressed his back flat on the books with his breath hitched.

"soonyoung —" he ignored jihoon for the moment, ears focusing on his surroundings as he checked if shinhyuck is still here. the other line went silent, and so was soonyoung's tensed surroundings. he stilled like a rock for ten minutes and he breathed out in relief when he didn't heard any footsteps, which may have made him think shinhyuck had left.

"i think he left." soonyoung whispered, pulling his phone close to his lips so jihoon would be able to hear him.

"are you sure?"

"i think."

"okay — okay. meet me at the front door, i'm almost there, and don't hang up."

"yes — yeah, okay." 

soonyoung dragged his heavy legs to the table he was sitting on minutes ago. he shoved all his books and laptop messily and hurriedly with one hand, slinging it to his shoulders before hurrying to the front door with silent footsteps.

"okay i'm here." jihoon said after a few minutes of silence. soonyoung could feel himself breathing out in relief, his shoulders relaxing as his cold hands pushed the dark brown wooden door to get out of this goddamn place.

"hyung i'm outsi —"

"gotcha!" a voice slurred from the side, and before soonyoung could even react, he was suddenly pulled to the side with his phone dropping on the floor. his backpack was squished between his back and wall by how shinhyuck had pinned him, dark eyes and mischievous smirk just above soonyoung's glassy eyes.

"let me go!" soonyoung cried, trying to trash his arms around but failed since his grip on his wrist was too tight. soonyoung screamed and felt hot tears streaming down his cheeks when shinhyuck tried to lean in and attach their lips, to which soonyoung turned his head to the side with a loud cry.

"soonyoung?! soonyoung?! fuck!" jihoon's frustrated and panicked voice could be heard from soonyoung's phone, and the younger desperately cried for his hyung.

"hyung —" then a harsh slap to his cheek, sending a stinging pain on soonyoung's flesh and he just know it would fucking leave a mark. 

"shut the fuck up and stop moving you whore." he snarled, dark eyes glaring and staring through soonyoung's desperate brown orbs. he dipped his head to mouth soonyoung's collarbone when he was suddenly yanked to the side, making soonyoung gasp and slide his back down in the wall with wobbly legs. he looked up to see his savior, his feet placed on top of a groaning shinhyuck's stomach. soonyoung let his eyes trail upwards and saw jihoon, his eyes clouding the look of anger and deadly as he stared down at shinhyuck. he looks like he's about to kill him with his bare hands.

"hyung…" soonyoung whispered, forcing himself to stand up and trip his way towards his hyung.

"you fucker." shinhyuck spit, pushing jihoon's leg away from his stomach, but jihoon didn't even budge and pressed his foot even harder, making shinhyuck cry in pain.

"soonyoung.." jihoon said softly the dark glint on his eyes disappeared as he quickly pulled soonyoung behind his back. he pressed his foot harder when shinhyuck squirmed, which earned a grunt from the male below. shinhyuck let out something between a growl and a groan, before yanking jihoon's foot off him with all his strength and standing back up with unfocused eyes.

jihoon instantly positioned himself in his fighting stance, making sure soonyoung was behind him. finally safe and secured. he could feel soonyoung shaking behind him, even though they weren't touching, he just knew. and all he wanted to do was hug and comfort the younger to stop those tears, to bring those jolly smiles he loved seeing from soonyoung, and he would. but for now, he would have to deal with this dick.

"just give soonyoung to me and no one would get hurt." shinhyuck offered, but jihoon was having none of that. soonyoung's breath hitched, his hands slowly coming up to grip the back of jihoon's hoodie.

"hyung… hyung… w — what are we gonna do?" soonyoung whispered shakily in fear. jihoon only shook his head in response, twisting his head to look at soonyoung with a soft, small smile.

"don't worry, hyung got this." and to soonyoung's surprise jihoon suddenly pulled a black, metal object from his jeans pocket. soonyoung's throat went dry as his eyes widened in surprise. shinhyuck don't look any different, the smug grin on his face had fallen off and was now replaced with a horrified look, staring at the gun on jihoon's hand with his face pale.

"now." jihoon said nonchalantly, like he wasn't just holding a fucking gun in his hand. he cocked his gun with a loud click, making the atmosphere between the three of them go thicker and jihoon pointed it right on shinhyuck's head.

"hyung don't." soonyoung pleaded, his hands tugging on the soft fabric of jihoon's hoodie. it all went ignored.

"why don't you get lost?" he asked coldly, voice colder than ice. soonyoung would admit, he was scared. the look on jihoon's face was scary. it was all dark and deadly, like he was ready to kill everyone who went against his way, or whoever dares to touch him. it was new, this jihoon was new, and somehow, it had scared soonyoung.

shinhyuck raised both of his hands in surrender, eyes shaking with his face pale. he looked absolutely helpless. "fucking fine, he's all yours." 

"now scram." jihoon fired the gun just beside shinhyuck's left foot with a loud click, it startled the male that he screamed, his hands flailing to his head as he curled up on the ground, his figure shaking. soonyoung flinched, his heart pounding so loud on his ribcage as he desperately pulled jihoon's arm down.

"hyung let's go please stop." he begged. sure, as much and soonyoung wanted to laugh and see shinhyuck suffer, this was a little too overboard. he didn't hate shinhyuck to the point he wanted jihoon to kill him, no, soonyoung wouldn't want that. so he quickly dragged jihoon away, eyes shaking when jihoon gripped on his wrist tightly. soonyoung pretends he didn't saw jihoon slip the gun back to his pocket.

they arrived at jihoon's car with a tense atmosphere, and soonyoung doesnt even know how to act so he couldn't help but stiffen when he and jihoon settled at the car's backseat to talk and clear things up.

"youngie." jihoon's voice was all soft and sweet, his hand went to touch soonyoung's shoulder, to which he younger had flinched at. jihoon just sighed when soonyoung doesn't met his gaze, eventually retreating his hand when the younger tensed even more.

"soonyoung, please talk to me." he pleaded.

"why do you have a gun with you?" soonyoung finally asks, lifting his head up to meet jihoon's soft doe eyes. it was such a contrast to his look earlier.

"it was a pellet gun toy, it wasn't a real gun." jihoon said, and honestly soonyoung wanted to say bullshit and tell jihoon to stop telling him lies just to make him feel better. but jihoon looked so serious that soonyoung had to think otherwise.

"you're not lying?" soonyoung asked softly. jihoon just sighed, shaking his head before pulling the gun out of his pocket again. "i'm not lying soonyoung, why would i lie during situations like this?"

jihoon handed the gun to soonyoung for him to check, and soonyoung hesitantly took the 'toy' from the older. soonyoung pressed the magazine release and took the fallen magazine to his hand. he checked the bullets and released the breath he was holding, sighing in relief when he saw small plastic pellets as the gun's bullets. he was relieved when it was really a toy, he wouldn't know how he would've reacted if it was real. he dropped the toy beside him before launching to hug jihoon, face buried on his chest. he almost forgot about his backpack so he quickly pulled away, and shrugged it off before hugging jihoon again.

"hyung, why the fuck do you have a pellet gun with you?" soonyoung choked, tightening his hug and felt his eyes stung when the happenings from earlier had replayed inside his head. jihoon just shushed him, cradling the younger male to his chest. jihoon adjusted their position to a more comfortable one, and soonyoung was almost sitting on his lap. there was a little more gap between them so jihoon guessed soonyoung hated that because the latter eventually climbed up to his lap, his face still buried on jihoon's chest.

"seungcheol gave it to me as a gift, and i kind of saw it when i was on my way here." jihoon answered softly, running his fingers through soonyoung's hair and leaving a peck on his forehead when he started to cry. jihoon doesn't stop him, and lets him cry. he knew that soonyoung just needed to let his feelings out, and needed comfort. that's how jihoon found himself whispering sweet-nothings to his ear and unknotting the knots on soonyoung's hair.

they spent the few minutes just cuddling, and soon, soonyoung's cries slowly morphed to sniffles. jihoon still hadn't stopped massaging his scalp, and soonyoung was thankful because it had helped him calm down a little. he sniffed, lifting his head up and burying his head this time on jihoon's warm neck.

it's times like this where soonyoung would like to just curl up in one corner and suffer in his own misery. he wanted to be alone, just to be with himself while trying to distract himself from listening to that haunting voice inside his head voicing out his insecurities. it's also times like this where jihoon would pull him out of that corner where he was curled up, and into his warm and comforting embrace, whispering comforts and sweet-nothings to his ear. if not jihoon, seokmin would be there for him. soonyoung would be always thankful for the lee brothers.

"you want water?" jihoon had asked softly, almost inaudible, but soonyoung had heard it. the younger eventually finds himself nodding, to which jihoon had silently giggled when soonyoung's hair had tickled his left cheek. jihoon reached for his water bottle on the passenger's seat that he had tossed earlier after his everyday gym routine.

he leaned back, opening the lid and placing it on soonyoung's plump lips. "here."

soonyoung just opened his mouth, unwrapping an arm around jihoon to hold the bottle. soonyoung gulped down all the continents of the water bottle, before sighing and tossing it somewhere to his side and immediately diving to hug jihoon again.

jihoon just watched him, thinking about how pretty soonyoung looked under the moonlight that came pouring from the window. the moonlight illuminated his perfectly sculpted nose, his pretty lashes when his eyes fluttered close and his plump lips. jihoon kind of just wanted to take them between his lips.

"you're so pretty just like this, youngie." jihoon says absentmindedly, startling soonyoung who instantly snapped his eyes open and looked at jihoon with eyes wide and red cheeks. jihoon had only noticed he had Said it out loud when soonyoung blushed, his eyes trailing to jihoon's nose and biting his bottom lip. jihoon felt the tip of his ears going red and hot, but he didn't take his gaze away from soonyoung. not when the younger was looking so ethereal under the moonlight's glow.

"you're not disgusted of me?" now that made jihoon frown. he inched his face closer to soonyoung's, their nose touching which forced soonyoung to stare back at jihoon with his cheeks reddening even more. soonyoung was almost cross-eyed by how jihoon was so close.

"no, never. why would i be disgusted? you're so beautiful soonyoung, do you not know that?" soonyoung blushed again at jihoon's words, wanting to break their gaze together but he just couldn't bring himself to do so. there was something alluring soonyoung to look at his brown orbs, like there was some secret magic when you stare at his eyes. it brought soonyoung feeling like he was in a daze, and honestly, soonyoung wouldn't mind getting lost in them.

"no." soonyoung said honestly. he shivered when he felt jihoon's breath fan his lips, it was almost like jihoon was teasing him.

"well then, i guess it's now my job to remind you how you're so beautiful. how much you're so pretty like this, in my lap, with the moonlight glow illuminating your face. your eyes is so cute everytime you smile, and your nose looked like it was sculpted by god himself, and oh god don't get me started with your lips, youngie. they're so soft and all i wanna do is savor and get lost on them." 

"then what's stopping you?" soonyoung blurted without thinking, looking up at jihoon's eyes to find him staring at his lips. before soonyoung could even comprehend everything that jihoon had spilled, jihoon leans in and pressed his lips against soonyoung's soft ones.

soonyoung's mind short-circuits and he forgot how to breathe. his eyes were blown wide, not being able to process what was happening until jihoon moved his lips softly against his. soonyoung was surprised that he let out an embarrassing high pitched noise that sounded close to a moan, before closing his eyes and finally returning the kiss.

soonyoung let himself get lost to jihoon's lips, whimpering when jihoon's wet pink muscle also known as his tongue would swipe on his lower lip, asking for permission. soonyoung eventually gives him in, opening his mouth submissively and almost sighing when jihoon sucked on his tongue.

soonyoung brought his arms up to wrap them around jihoon's neck, with jihoon's hands instinctively gripping the younger's waist.

they stay like that for a few more seconds, pulling away when they both realize oxygen is needed for their daily lives. they both panted, forehead pressed together before diving in for another kiss.

soonyoung just hopes everything will go well from here.

-

everything doesn't go well from there.

jihoon had avoided and ignored him after a few days after that night. it was almost 4 months since The Kiss and they still haven't talked about it. jihoon was barely even home, would prefer camping at his studio and only coming home to take a few clothes and showering before leaving again. 

it almost felt like soonyoung was living alone, if not, living with a ghost. they barely talk, and when soonyoung would try to text or talk to him, jihoon would avoid him like the plague and would find stupid excuses (“my pet cactus is dying inside my studio sorry.” “sorry got to go my chair inside my studio is getting cold.”) or would tell him white lies to escape (“oh sorry i’m in a rush got to feed seungcheol hyung’s cat!” when did seungcheol adopted a cat and why is jeonghan keeping this information from soonyoung? turns out, seungcheol never had a cat when soonyoung asked jeonghan later on.)

no one knows about The Kiss except for seokmin, mingyu and minghao (well for soonyoung’s part. in jihoon’s… he’s not too sure). soonyoung had broke down a week after the incident infront of seokmin’s apartment door when he couldn’t handle the cold shoulder jihoon was giving him. he ended up vomiting and vomitting words that were connected to what happened that night, about the shinhyuck incident and about the kiss. soonyoung was once again left in tears at the mention of shinhyuck’s name. he vented about how awful he felt (especially when jihoon kissed him only to be left with silence from the said man) and how disgusting jihoon must’ve thought of him. it was his insecurities talking, not the jolly and bubbly soonyoung who would challenge the brightness of the sun. that night ended up with mingyu cooking food for him, minghao purposely losing on a game to make soonyoung grin and seokmin cuddling him all evening to cheer him up.

and honestly, soonyoung couldn’t ask for more. they were all the best friends soonyoung could ask for.

-

“why the long face?” mingyu cheerfully greeted the moment he entered the cafe with minghao trailing behind him. soonyoung doesn’t reply, opting to sip on him iced americano with a frown and a pout. seokmin, who was sitting beside him, sighed sadly and shot him an apologetic look. mingyu dumped all of the books he was carrying on their table (it was a little too much for a little group study but soonyoung guesses mingyu was probably carrying some for minghao) before sliding to the empty spot across soonyoung. minghao occupied the space beside his tall boyfriend, right across seokmin.

“any updates about your status relationship with jihoon hyung?” minghao decides to ask. at the mention of jihoon’s name, soonyoung shrank on his spot with glassy eyes and the straw of his drink stuck between his lips. mingyu and minghao noticed it almost immediately, turning to seokmin with their faces painted with worry and confusion.

seokmin just sighed, lowering the book he was reading and focusing on the worried glances he got. “jihoon hyung may or may have not snapped at him and said mean words when soonyoung tried to talk to him again.” minghao’s eyes soften, averting his gaze from seokmin to soonyoung who avoided eye contact.

“you look like you need a best friend hug.” minghao stood up, opening his arms wide and walking around the table to hug soonyoung. the latter pouted, instantly getting up to his feet and encircling his arms around minghao. soonyoung sighed in comfort, nuzzling his face to minghao's neck in comfort. minghao smiled a little, giving his back comforting strokes.

soonyoung had been so down all afternoon after his interaction with jihoon. he only wanted to talk to him and clear things out but the older completely snapped at him and accused him of looking like a stupid stray dog chasing after him for attention (jihoon's exact words) and it pierced through soonyoung's heart like a sharp knife, followed by bullets. jihoon must've realized what he said because ironically enough, he was the one who started chasing after soonyoung when the younger immediately turned his back at him with his eyes stinging. soonyoung locked himself in his bedroom, sniffing and ignoring jihoon's loud knocks and mumbled apologies. only coming out when the male was gone and when soonyoung headed off to the university's café.

while the two was hugging, seokmin couldnt help but narrow his eyes at mingyu who looked uneasy. said guy had also been checking his phone with his bottom lip caught between his teeth, face painted with nervousness and uneasiness. seokmi doesn't point it out, not until the two was already back to their own spots.

"mingyu, is everything alright? why do you look so worried?" seokmin had asked, gaining attention from the other two person in the table. they all turned to mingyu, whose eyes were wide and hesitant.

"well i might have told jihoon hyung we're having a small study session here." before anyone could react, a voice caught their attention.

"soonyoung!" a voice made the four of them freeze, especially soonyoung who widened his eyes. soonyoung felt like his whole body was petrified and he couldn't move as much as he wanted to. the owner of the voice, jihoon, quickly caught up to their table while panting like he ran all the way here. 

that's when soonyoung broke out of his shock state and he quickly stood up to dash out of the café, but was stopped when jihoon blocked his way, eyes wide and apologetic and guilty. soonyoung refused to look at him, his eyes getting glassy when he remembered jihoon's words from earlier. 

"soonyoung, hey, let's talk please-"

"i don't want to talk nor see your face right now." now this was the problem with soonyoung, he had always wore his heart on his sleeve and would end up a crying mess when he's offended or upset. he just couldn't control his emotions, and he's always been very sensitive with his feelings. so hearing those words from jihoon earlier kind of stung, especially when jihoon was one of the most precious person in soonyoung's life.

"please, soonyoung let's talk. come on, we can talk in my car." jihoon tried, begged, his hands wrapping around soonyoung's wrist in effort to drag away the younger (since they already caught a lot of attention, considering jihoon was a well-known producer) but soonyoung refused to go with him, trying to tug his hand away from jihoon's hold.

"no hyung please i don't want to be with you." soonyoung croaked, tears welling at the edge of his eyes while he looked at his friends for help. seokmin instantly got up when he caught the desperation in soonyoung's eyes, walking over to break jihoon's hold in soonyoung's wrist and glaring at his older brother. all hell broke loose the moment seokmin was standing between jihoon and soonyoung.

it was the first time seokmin had looked (more like glared) at jihoon after a few weeks of ignoring him. seokmin had ignored his older brother for treating his best friend so unfairly, he disliked how his brother reacted to the situation. he confronted jihoon about it at first but jihoon brushed it off because he 'needs space and time to think' and seokmin had let him at first, but wasn't 4 months too long?

jihoon stared at his glaring younger brother, who stood like a protective wall over his best friend with a hard gaze. seokmin was rarely angry (considering he's a ball of fluff and sunshine) and jihoon was a tad intimidated by how he's glaring at him. 

"hyung, can't you respect his decision? he told you he didn't want to see nor talk to you right now. besides, why've you only thought of talking to him right now when he's been asking you for months, and now that he's avoiding to talk to you that's when you finally thought it would be a great time to talk? are you serious? when you told soonyoung you didn't want to talk to him, did he forced you everytime he would ask? he didn't, he respected your decision and let you get away with the mess you created. put yourself in soonyoung's shoes hyung, imagine getting ghosted and ignored by one of the most precious person in your life for four fucking months. that shit hurts hyung. you never saw the way soonyoung would come crying to my apartment, he would always doubt himself that you thought of him as disgusting person. hyung, you never saw any of those."

seokmin was panting when he finished talking, his face flushed with anger. he might have said a little too much but seokmin was carried away by his emotions. soonyoung was back on minghao's embrace while mingyu was right behind seokmin, uneasiness painted in his face.

jihoon, on the other hand, had the decency to look guilty. he was avoiding eye contact with his brother and his friends, his head lowered in shame and humiliation. he had never felt so exposed and humiliated in his entire life, and the fact that his younger brother was the one scolding and making him realize all of his reckless actions didn't made it any better.

silence surrounded the whole café, who all had their eyes on jihoon. the eldest just sighed, taking a step back and bowing ninety degrees in front of his brother and friends. his eyes were teary and he felt so guilty, he didn't knew how his actions had affected soonyoung a lot. he willed himself not to cry but his eyes betrayed him, leaving him quietly sobbing with the position he's in.

"i'm so — i'm so so — sorry." he stuttered, squeezing his eyes shut. he still hadn't moved from his spot and he didn't give a fuck if someone's filming everything right now. he would risk his whole career if it meant that soonyoung and his friends would forgive him. he would risk his all for soonyoung. 

jihoon wanted to say more, wanted to repeat his apology until soonyoung was content. but the lump on his throat was preventing him, stopping him from vomiting all these words at once.

there was a warm hand on his shoulder, then the owner of that hand is pushing him so he was back on his standing position. he looked up to see a teary-eyed soonyoung, avoiding his eyes but jihoon knew his next words were directed at him.

"let's talk in your car hyung."

jihoon looked over soonyoung's shoulder, to see seokmin staring at him. it wasn't the kind of stare that seokmin was giving him earlier, it was the kind of stare that encouraged jihoon to talk to soonyoung, to make his wrongs right.

don't worry hyung, we'll take care of everything. seokmin's eyes seems to say, going as far as sending jihoon a small encouraging smile and jihoon had never felt so thankful for his brother.

—

there was awkward silence when soonyoung was left inside the car with jihoon, who seemed to be just as tense as he was. they were both avoiding eye contact but soonyoung wanted to talk, he just didn't knew how to start all of it. jihoon seems to notice it and he breathed in deeply before sighing.

"soonyoung.. " soonyoung took this as a cue to look at jihoon, who was already staring at him with guilty eyes.

"i — i just wanted to say i'm sorry for all the pain i've caused. i didn't realized how reckless i was and i didn't realized how it affected you a lot and it was selfish of me to avoid you to avoid myself getting hurt. i also want to apologize for all the words i said earlier and you deserved so much more than being treated like shit. i won't force you to accept my apology but i just really, really want to say i'm sorry for everything." jihoon paused, his hands curling up to fists into his lap. jihoon was staring right at soonyoung so the younger would feel jihoon's sincerity. soonyoung noticed jihoon hesitating to say the next few words, so he placed his hand on jihoon's hands and gave it a comforting squeeze.

jihoon glanced at him, smiling albeit a little shaky. soonyoung was looking at him encouragingly, patiently waiting for jihoon to continue. jihoon took a deep breath before speaking.

"about the kiss.." soonyoung visibly tensed up, and it didn't go unnoticed by jihoon. soonyoung was going through an internal crisis, and he tried his best to not cry. because he knew this was it, this was the time where jihoon's going to tell him that the kiss was a mistake. that he didn't liked it and regretted kissing soonyoung, because he was fucking straight, and soonyoung would just laugh along with him and smile like he wasn't breaking in the inside.

"about it, soonyoung.. i can't — i can't stop thinking about. soonyoung, you didn't know how i fucking love every moment of it and how your lips felt so soft against mine. i just —" jihoon paused, struggling to continue with his words. he didn't know how to describe his feelings and he felt frustrated at the lack of his vocabulary. he wanted to explain how he's so thankful and grateful that soonyoung was always by his side, and that he can't imagine how he would live without him—

then it dawned into him.

"soonyoung, i love you." soonyoung widened his eyes, a blush creeping up to his cheeks when jihoon slotted their hands together. he could feel jihoon's gaze boring holes to his cheek and that made him even more flustered. 

jihoon, on the other hand, was starting to get anxious. he just confessed his undying love for soonyoung that had developed a few years ago. soonyoung's face was red and jihoon wasn't sure if it was because he was flattered or he's mad at jihoon, and the lack of response made him anxious even more.

"i'm sorry, this was a bad idea. you probably don't feel the same way as me." jihoon stuttered, pulling his hand away from soonyoung, too anxious to have eye contact with the younger. soonyoung finally took notice of jihoon's distress so he held onto jihoon's hands tighter, surprising the older male who looked at him in confusion.

"hyung, i love you too." soonyoung leaned in, closing the distance between their lips and jihoon's mind short-circuits.

—

"i thought you were fucking heterosexual dude! but congratulations!" hansol literally screamed right to his face the moment he entered holding hands with seungkwan. jihoon pursed his lips, nodding his head at his co-producer before he let himself get dragged away by soonyoung. he sent an apologetic smile to hansol when their conversation was cut off but hansol just shrugged it off. they were all currently stuck in jeonghan and seungcheol's apartment for a small 'reunion' (and also to celebrate jihoon and soonyoung's relationship eventhough it's been a month ever since they started dating) and jeonghan thought it was a good idea to invite one of his most favorite peers.

so far, there were thirteen people wilding in jeonghan's living and jihoon found it amusing how some of those who only met each other today we're all acting like they've known each other for years. jihoon had met four new kids today, chan (who was introduced to him as jeonghan's favorite kid in this group), wonwoo and junhui (who were dating and apparently soonyoung also knows them), and joshua who looks so fond everytime he looks at seungcheol and jeonghan.

they were all too hyperactive and loud and it was starting to tire jihoon out. he was glad that soonyoung dragged him away from jeonghan's living room and into jeonghan's quiet and peaceful kitchen. jihoon sighed tiredly, resting his forehead on soonyoung's chest. soonyoung just giggled, spreading his legs apart so jihoon could stand between them. the younger was sitting on the counter top and he let jihoon ramble about how all of this was a bad idea.

"but you love it hoonie." soonyoung answered, burying his nose on jihoon's hair.

"you love it how you entered this room earlier while holding your hands with me. you love it how our friends teased us when i peck your cheek. you love it how you can finally shout and proudly show off into the whole world that i'm yours and you're mine."

jihoon lifted his head, smiling brightly at soonyoung and he returned it.

"you're right, youngie." and they both leaned in to connect their lips together.

oh, how jihoon wants to give all of his love to soonyoung.


End file.
